I’m completely convinced that you need a solid group of friends that help you maintain your sanity. Motherhood can be lonely, but it’s the tried and true friendships that make it sweet. We all speak of having a village, especially as a mom. However, we don’t talk about the true challenges that come along with it. Motherhood has a way of pruning friendships, even when you think they’ll last.
Friendships forged in motherhood can be strong and deep. You will go through some of life’s most challenging moments together and will come out on the other side stronger for it. You will also share in the joys of births and milestones and make memories that will last forever. Mothers can make phenomenally caring, understanding, and forgiving friends.
Chloe Saul
I don’t think I can count the number of times I’ve almost lost my crap only to be reminded that it’s just a season, it’s okay to yell, your kids won’t die (not today), and you’re freakin awesome at this mom thing. The truth is we need quality friendships as women, but as mothers they are a must. Because motherhood is so complex, the types of friendships that sustain us in our seasons and journey will reflect that.
Expectations Change
Becoming a mom has an influx of unexpected emotions, expectations, and just a rollercoaster of identity. I think the mistake many moms, including myself make is deflecting all of that on those around us. The expectation that ALL of my friends get that motherhood is hard… even the ones who are not moms. Our lives have drastically changed and so everyone else must adjust along with us. In many ways there’s truth to that. Yet that expectation has caused me to prematurely cut off relationships and friends that didn’t understand.
Shamefully I raise my hand, as I’ve tried to force my friends to get where I am… even though I didn’t know myself. Over time, I’ve found a better harmony of understanding that friendships may shift and change. That’s okay and honestly it is very healthy. The balance of a mixture of friends is much better than forcing everyone into my journey. I have found myself far more thankful for the blended community of women holding me together than the loss of unmet expectations.
The Blend of Friendships in Motherhood
thanked those that have embraced my crazy boys while trying to have an adult conversation or excused my mess as someone just pooped in the wrong place or farts in their face (life with boys)… It’s been nice to find how my variety of friends have kept all sides of my personality and life alive with the friendship I enjoy from each of them. As I sat and read other blogs about the top friends you need to survive I’ve made my own list! I’d love to know if you agree too.
The Mentor
- This is the mom who has at least one more kid than you or older kids. She is the Titus 2 woman that can pour wisdom into your life and extra hugs. Her words remind you dirt is edible, don’t fuss over everything, and you’ll survive this stage of tantrums. This friend will take the call when you’re most discouraged and help you process when days feel hopeless. They will encourage you to give yourself a very healthy dose of grace when you feel like you’re missing the mark. This is the mom that is also you’re go-to mobile pediatrician when you need to triage a situation.
The Rich Auntie
- They are traveling, staying up passed 9:30PM, and have the best stories that keep you not so “momish.” The friend who you can chat away with at whatever you’re binge watching and remind yourself that you’re still you. This friend would set up an amazing weekend or evening with a Atlanta Mobile Bar Service! Where you would enjoy laughs, amazing drinks, and the beauty of friendship while Tippy Tap Co. created the most gorgeous experience. Even though motherhood is very much a part of your life now, you still have FUN. This friend nudges you to take a few risks every now and then along with keeping you dreaming as well. Also you can sometimes vicariously live through their season and still get sufficient sleep! They give some of the BEST gifts might I add.
The Tried & True Friend
- You’re both moms with kids around the same age. You can cry, laugh, and talk about all things motherhood without feeling like it’s “too much mom talk.” This is the friend that gets you in your season, doesn’t care what your house looks like, and laughs when you both have stained shirts when you hang out. The one who will take your kids, change their diapers, and let’s you in on a shared motherhood experience. This mom has a special bond and a sense of vulnerability that you both connect with. The tried and true friend sometimes comes for a season, but the connection and trust remains regardless of distance or time.
The Long Time Friend
- Every mom has the friend they’ve known through multiple seasons of life. A friend or friends that have seen you at your worst and yet love you and celebrate still. As life has changed, they’ve also adjusted and grown with you. They are the ones you can relate to, still have a healthy dose of boundaries, and a reminder when you need you time! Your friendship replenishes your soul and a comfort that keeps you grounded. You always leave feeling better after your time together.
Embracing and Celebrating the Value of your village
Embracing and celebrating friendships in motherhood is also knowing that there is not just ONE friend who helps you along your journey. They all touch on the myriad of pieces that make up who you are and keep you sane when you need it most. I hope your community is as diverse and full as I’ve been able to enjoy mine. The challenge is knowing that the journey gives way to friends that come and go. Friendships that do not always last and those that sometimes require for you to move on.
The truth of friendships in motherhood encompasses the heartbreaks that happen. The uncomfortable space of growth that can take place on both ends. I no longer see it as losing friends, as much as honoring the time we’ve had together. Motherhood is a lifetime journey and who you invite to walk with you is important. So make it good, fun, and beautiful.