Stepping into a stay at home role has brought new perspectives, emotions, and respect for other sahm’s around me. I’ve been processing it all while trying to sort through my new reality. I hope that as I share these 3 vulnerable confessions about transitioning to sahm life that if you agree we can laugh and cry together friend.
As soon as I gave birth to our oldest…
my heart instantaneously yearned to be at home. Before that, I actually didn’t get why my very own sister left her job and found a way to be with her kids just a few years before. The idea of “stay-at-home” mom was archaic and a little boring to me…until I felt the internal pull that I was missing out on everything.
Our oldest spent most of his life in childcare situations until he was able to be in preschool. Though we did what was best, I feel like I didn’t have much to do with his parenting until the summer before he entered kindergarten. By that time there were two babes to juggle, and I shortly started teaching.
Fast forward to now with almost four babes to call our own and I’m officially at home. Though I do some remote jobs, I’m actually with my kids. That’s been exciting, but also really hard. I remember reading this raw post and it completely resonating with me. This role is complicated and challenging.
In complete vulnerability I confess in the sahm life
that in this season I’m really having to face these areas of myself as a woman, mother, and just person.
- Discovering my ACTUAL value – Being someone who finds value in their works, it’s been a major shift for me. The biggest mental block in transitioning to sahm life is I’m not meeting “crucial” deadlines or providing life saving solutions (well not completely untrue). So to tell myself daily in truth that what I DO does not define WHO I am, has become a mantra. As women we are conditioned that our purpose is our source of power and/or our identity. As I transition into often unseen yet valuable work, I don’t see my works as bring anything more than extension of who I truly am. It’s freeing and grieving to break up with that mindset.
- Redefining laziness and rest – The notion that I needed to “supermom” everything was a mistake. My first week being home I never realized how exhausted my mind, body, and soul were. From juggling work schedules, family needs, and even attempted hobbies I never felt rest. I remember sitting down and feeling guilty…guilty because my body was tired. Ashamed as my kids needs were met, and I just wanted to enjoy them instead of complete something else. After a few more days of not shaking the feeling, I knew I needed to reset and redefine within my new routine.
- There is no normal standard to achieve – Just as motherhood looks different for everyone so does sahm life. There is no right or wrong way to your routine, daily accomplishments, or anyone’s highlight reel. Talking to one of my best friends, she told me this wise perspective: I had to let go of those wife/mom ideals we are projected on by society and just be okay with how I wife and mother. My kids and husband like the way I do those roles just fine and so I am happy. They like it… I love it.
“People often assume that because I’m home with the kids all day that my house is super clean. That couldn’t be further from the truth! My house is an absolute mess because I’m home with two rowdy boys all day! My house was cleaner when I worked full-time outside the home.” LullabayLark.com
If your family appreciates how you exist in your role and you find peace in it, then you’re doing what’s right for you friend. I can’t tell you how many times I read that, wrote it down, and said it to myself in the mirror.
As I navigate my new role I’ve worked on not comparing to the former versions of who I was or other women. My boys find so much joy in me being home and my husband has too. I’m still finding this truer self, but I am finding a deep well of rest in the process.
This journey continues to reveal more of the person I want to become.