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Graciously Woven

Creatively Living and Sharing Grace

children, motherhood

Motherhood: When Things Collide

March 21, 2015 Leave a Comment

Hello friend. I know it has been quite some time and I wish I could say that despite feeling as though I ended 2014 on a wing and a prayer that I haven’t felt like I’ve begun this year chanting “You CAN do hard things” either. Instead I feel like this picture of my shirt holding on for dear life… However, as from the last few posts I wrote we started the year off with another baby! Can you believe we are on #2?!? Some days I can’t fathom the fact that we are going to have two kids – because sometimes I still can’t believe that we have one already…who by the way is running the show.

But despite kicking off the new year and taking time away to refocus and honestly clear my mind – it sure does seem that I am finally facing what I can’t get away from. The paradigm between motherhood and working full-time outside of my home. Truthfully I stopped writing not because I didn’t want to, but because I did my best to shave off any extracurricular activities that didn’t seem to help me stay on task. Already fighting my constant desire to be my personal best and that little nagging reminder of what I think should be perfect didn’t gel very well with my myriad of heart’s desires. So one by one in the name of prioritizing I scratched off all the things that didn’t include motherhood, ministry, and work. Anything additional fit into a timed activity that I could either squeeze in during nap-time or when everyone else is occupied and I don’t end up feeling guilty… but it hasn’t worked ha!

Sincerely to my surprise as I write this I realize that I’ve never felt so empty and disconnected from myself. Even with the best of intentions to focus, I find myself just as overwhelmed and even more frustrated that the very thing I’ve been trying to avoid is staring right me eye to eye. I’m not sure why there is so much fear to just say it. I know being ambiguous has never been a strength of mine, but as I sit and process the last few months speaking this truth about myself creates so much anxiety…but here it goes.

I choose being a mother over my job…
            …and it kills me because I can’t help but interpret that as I am a horrible employee. I love the work I do, I believe in it, but I believe in the impact of mothering my children and giving my home the best without any outside competition. I believe in chasing my dreams and not working out of fear that we won’t stay financially stable… I believe in sitting with young girls as they figure out their relationship with God and walking alongside my husband in our ministry… I look at people who have spent their whole lives working towards financial stability and never truly enjoying their lives or all that they’ve worked for.

So what next? Because my circumstances are not changing…maybe my ratio of fear and courage are.

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Carmen | Truth & Grace Living
In just a few months we’ll be celebrating 10 yea In just a few months we’ll be celebrating 10 years.

I love who we are today, because of how we committed to growing/learning through the last nine years. 

Working on ourselves has made room to see the worth and value of us together. 

Expecting your partner to be everything, fix everything, and fill everything - will leave you with nothing. For me to be at my best I have learned that space and role is reserved for Christ.

Releasing those expectations, owning your growth, and finding ourselves deeper in Jesus continues to be our glue. 

That and lots of random 😏 time... these kids didn’t show up on their own. #ourownmarriagegoals
Since December we have been practicing how to rest Since December we have been practicing how to rest as a family - real soul rest and it’s been life giving.

On Friday evenings we cook together and disconnect. Last weekend we made this challah bread and it was delicious! Mike and I look through new recipes to prep for our time. This recipe is on the blog!

Slowing down last year taught us how unhealthy being “busy” and doing more was for us individually, as a family, and even for our kids. We were functioning in rhythms that may have appeared to be beneficial - but had negative side effects. 

2020 allowed us to refocus and shift. Mike and I knew God desires for our home to benefit most - because it’s our first ministry. 

Family rhythms look unique to you and I pray yours is reaping the best it can this week ♥️ #familyrhythms #familyisourfirstministry
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[cue hysterical laughter] 

That’s it... that’s the caption and joke 😂 #humorwithkids
Follow Me... Through the gospels I see Jesus call Follow Me...

Through the gospels I see Jesus calling for people to follow him. Not to a program or an event - but the opportunity to watch him live life in Spirit and in Truth. Live in a way that brought each person closer to God not the creeds of religion. 

I remember the last few years of full time ministry for me how a mentor of mine challenged me to reevaluate how I was on boarding/leading people to Jesus. How was I teaching others to see Christ more than a method or strategy.

That work is different.

It’s also life giving. 

As I continue to read through the scriptures I’m reminded to clarify don’t follow me. JOIN me as I follow Christ and we’ll walk, grow, fail, and learn from Him together.

If we all saw each other as fellow students rather than how we believe our gifts elevate ourselves over one another. 

“The student is not above the teacher, but everyone who is fully trained will be like their teacher.” Luke‬ ‭6:40‬ #readwithme30
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