Motherhood: Then there were 3…

Titus pooped on the floor.

Makai has become an adult overnight and no longer needs my direction.

Izaiah is on his own schedule, rightfully so.

All of them need my time, they deserve (especially the poop on aisle 3)… but how do you prioritize three babies? The question I’ve been spinning in my mind the last 13 days. Trying to not forget that Kai needs a flashlight for a project, Titus needs to be reminded to check the potty and still wants me to clap and smile, and Izaiah needs to be changed right now…has not been easy. Between cluster feeding and not pulling my hair out, it’s been a wild ride for this momma.

Stepping into a new routine with hopes that though my love has grown for three babies, my patience has not yet. In fact I’ve down right lost myself a few times…then cried and apologized…then lost it again. My expectation of everything has had to take a screeching halt and be refocused on what I can do now….most times what I can do in the next 20 minutes that will keep things afloat. And by today I’m feeling good about that. I wasn’t a few months ago as I planned, prepped, read, and dreamt of what this time would look like.

Unrealistically I envisioned being able to function as I’ve always done. Not needing to intentionally sit and rest and keeping up with Kai and Titus which I semi mastered. But that’s just not the case, and more importantly it didn’t leave much room for grace on my part. My expectation left out some important things:

1. Postpartum Depression is very real. My worst case was with Titus and it took me quite some time to recognize, cope, and deal with. So I’m watchful of signs more than ever and am steering away from significant life changes right now.
2. Anxiety. Not just simply worrying, but paralyzing anxiety began to make its appearance when I transitioned to two babies. Especially as Mike and I constantly have to juggle multiple schedules. Having the confidence of being with the boys outside of the home took a lot of time for me – even though I didn’t show it. I’ve already felt moments of it creep up in different situations from unexpected visitors to going to the store.
3. Outnumbered. We are officially outnumbered y’all! And they are all at different stages. From self entertaining to potty training to fresh out the womb. All of these stages feel and are new in this paradigm. No longer can each of us tackle one kid per parent. The game has changed.

With those factors in play I have to stop and breathe grace over myself and my kids. Just to simply be honest that this is hard and I’m tired, but overjoyed and so grateful at the same time. And giving myself the freedom to know that I can feel and express all of these emotions without needing to negate one or the other.

I don’t know if you’re a new mom or mom of three like me now. In any season or stage rest, breathe, and know where you’re at. I think that’s what is keeping my feet on the ground right now.