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Graciously Woven

Creatively Living and Sharing Grace

children, motherhood

Motherhood: Redemption [Part I]

March 30, 2015 Leave a Comment

I was in that place again..that one where I felt overwhelmed, alone, and ready to quit. I remember sitting with Mike one night and telling him I was okay with walking away from it all and this life. As difficult as it was to say I found myself trying to be as confident and nonchalant in my words, because I was so assured that there was nothing else to look forward to. Was I disregarding my role as a mother and wife? Or just being selfish as Mike looked into my eyes and told me how could I only think of myself? But you can’t explain irrationality to a rational heart when it feels like darkness is all around you. Someone once shared with me that it’s hard to deal with darkness, because it’s sticky – when you think you’ve cleaned off one area you find it somewhere else…and I found my mind so clouded with stickiness nothing could eradicate its existence.

This dark cloud hadn’t made such a presence in many years, to say I was prepared would be fooling myself and those who know me best. Dealing with seasons of depression were behind me I chanted – I’ve dealt and moved on. What brought it on… I couldn’t pin point it. I sat in my quiet thoughts one night as I had started feeling the physical effects of this storm cloud and found myself sick often for several weeks. Fighting between plans and logic of letting go and what I know to be truth in God’s word – truth in my own life.

We had tried for months to have another child with no success, I took it as a sign and when the nurse told me I wasn’t expecting I knew for sure laying with eyes closed that I didn’t need to keep pushing on in this manner. A storm, a body failing with no real medical reason, and most of all the weight of work was most definitely a recipe for me to stay in bed with covers over my head to hide my angry and worn tears… then you appeared. Right as I told myself if I’m not pregnant then I can let this storm overtake me and I won’t fight this time. I’m tired…

No free spirit desires to be caged or confined…having their wings clipped by life’s circumstances knowing that there is so much more to this life. to my life.

Truth is there has been a deep redemption in these last several months as I await your arrival. Just as your brother caused me to look long and hard in the mirror as a 25 year old naive young woman, you now cause me to do the same – but with eyes opened in a way that has ground against those inner parts I didn’t know were hidden (even from myself).

to be continued…
Previous:
Our Nest: Refinishing Furniture
Next:
Motherhood Spotlight: A Story of Adoption and Pursuit of Cultural Connection

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Carmen | Truth & Grace Living
Let’s talk about shame... When the Lord started Let’s talk about shame...

When the Lord started walking me through how my approach to correcting behavior started to look more like shaming... it was humbling and convicting. 

Many times my desire to correct overrides any opportunity to understand and walk through the challenge together. 

When I yell, dismiss, or even explode at what they shouldn’t be doing - I communicate shame rather than offering wise counsel. Especially with abstract concepts that deal with the heart like lying, pride, anger...

It hit me most when I yelled at my angry child for lashing out 👀 - as I watched myself I felt the Lord nudge me with how can you correct sin while sinning? 

... oh the embarrassment, but the chance to do better.

Quieting my own self and taking it in, because conviction makes room for growth not shame. 

I’ve asked the Lord more and more to calm my voice with the intent of allowing true change as I parent. Praying my heart is bent more to seeing how God restores and transforms our behaviors to reflect true goodness. Rather than a God who shames as they see me shame them. #christinmotherhood
Mila is the mood as I sit and am so grateful for e Mila is the mood as I sit and am so grateful for each of you engaging me in this process. Thank you for being present in the messy parts too as I navigate this season. 

I continue to be so thankful for this community - and I pray I can lend a listening ear and support as much as you are to me ♥️ #beautyincommunity
“Mom he has pom pom hair and there’s animals!! “Mom he has pom pom hair and there’s animals!!” 😍

We have another budding reader in the house!!! I love reading and finding books that encourage our kids to enjoy the same I’m all for it!! 

Being able to find books that are not only personalized but allow my kids to see themselves in the story is even better!!! 

@lionstory.books gifted us this beautiful book all about Izaiah making a change for animals - which is his THING! 

They have a variety of stories and options to make your book special. Thanks to their team you can use code: CARMEN50 for 50% off your own book! 

Check them out parents of growing readers! We love what they’re doing ♥️ #homeschoolmama #growingreadersforlife
Everyone then who hears these words of mine and do Everyone then who hears these words of mine and does them will be like a wise man who built his house on the rock. Matthew 7:24

There’s power in praying our family grows in God’s word and even more as we see ways to apply it daily. I’ve come to realize there’s a spiritual home we’ve been called to build it looks like this family.

In our character, how we reflect Christ, and how we model that for our kids - even invite them to do the same.

I started working on this portrait of us and wanted to symbolize how we’re planted. When times have been their hardest - it’s been God’s word that’s sustained us. #foundationinchrist
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