Resisting Resentment: How Ministry and Motherhood Can Coexist with Grace
When Life Feels Heavy
An unexpected virus hit Kai this morning, and it’s been running havoc all afternoon. Titus barely napped, and Mike has been traveling the last two weeks—currently across the waters on a mission trip. It would be so easy to feel resentment and blame—what else? Ministry.
I’ve felt this tension before. The late nights, solo parenting, and exhaustion can wear anyone down, but for ministry families, it can feel amplified. In my three years as a pastor’s wife and many more serving in ministry, I’ve seen how resentment can creep in like an unwelcome guest. I’ve also seen how it can destroy marriages, isolate families, and leave spouses feeling disconnected.
But here’s the truth I’ve learned: ministry doesn’t have to be the villain in my story. Instead, it’s become the backdrop for God’s grace to show up—right in the middle of the chaos.
Why Ministry Resentment Is So Common
Ministry has this beautiful appeal—it offers community, connection, and purpose. But when your spouse volunteers or serves full-time, those very qualities can sometimes feel like the things you lack. The feeling of being a pseudo-single parent while your spouse pours into others can feel unfair—especially when you’re the one cleaning up vomit and juggling crying babies.
It’s hard, but it’s not impossible. Overcoming ministry resentment has been one of the most important lessons I’ve learned in this season.
Facing Resentment with Truth
I’ll be honest—there were nights I cried alongside my toddler who just wanted his daddy to put him to bed. And in those moments, I had a choice:
- Blame ministry and let bitterness grow.
- Or turn to God and let Him show me the blessings in the middle of it.
Scripture Reminder: “God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble.” – Psalm 46:1
I’ll admit, I used to cling to the idea that God wouldn’t give me more than I could handle—but the truth is, that’s not actually biblical. What is biblical is knowing that God is present in every single moment—even the messy ones.
When I’m wiping tears and sanitizing bottles, He’s there. When I’m feeling stretched thin, He’s holding me together. And when resentment tries to creep in, He reminds me of the community and grace He’s placed around me.
Blessings in the Chaos
Over the past two weeks, I’ve seen glimpses of God’s faithfulness in unexpected ways. These are the moments that have helped me overcome ministry resentment:
- Staying with Family
I felt like I was imposing by staying with my parents for two weeks with two little ones in tow. But honestly? It gave me space to rest, set goals, and recharge while my kids soaked up time with their grandparents. - Serving Others with Kai
Taking Kai with me to deliver a meal to friends who lost a loved one reminded me of the beauty of community. It also gave me the chance to teach him about caring for others—even when life feels hectic. - Prioritizing Rest
For once, I allowed myself to rest—mentally, physically, and emotionally. I was able to refocus and pour back into my family from a healthier place. - Embracing Community
I had friends check on me throughout the week—reminding me I wasn’t alone. Their prayers and texts became a lifeline.
Practical Ways to Resist Ministry Resentment
- Recognize the Blessings Around You. It’s easy to focus on what’s hard, but shifting to gratitude changes your perspective.
- Lean Into Community. Don’t isolate yourself. Allow friends and family to step in and help.
- Stay Rooted in Scripture. God’s Word is a reminder that you’re not alone. Verses like Psalm 46:1 and Matthew 11:28 offer encouragement when you’re weary.
- Be Honest About Your Needs. Talk to your spouse about how you’re feeling. Resentment often grows in silence, but vulnerability builds connection.
Grace Over Resentment
It’s not always easy to resist resentment. Ministry asks for sacrifice—and some days, that sacrifice feels too heavy. But when I pause and focus on the grace that’s sustaining me, everything shifts.
God didn’t create us to carry burdens alone. He gave us community and the promise that He’s our refuge.
Scripture Reminder: “Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.” – Matthew 11:28
If you’re in this season…
If you’re in a season where ministry feels more like a burden than a blessing, know this—you’re not alone. God sees you. He’s with you in the chaos, the tears, and the exhaustion. And He’s placed people around you to walk this road with you.
Take a deep breath. Let go of the need to do it all. And instead of resentment, lean into the grace that’s already carrying you.