I’ve been having thoughts of what I want to do, where I want to be in the next six months to a year…and I sometimes feel stuck. Where am I headed and what am I really doing? With the access of social media and self-promotion these days I feel like as often as I’m inspired I’m also discouraged that I’m not doing enough or BEING enough. Does that make sense? Just looking through my Instagram feed it feels like “everyone” has a successful small business and is traveling and has tons of followers, fans, people who will spend $60 on a pair of leggings for their child (wish I could sometimes). Or someone has reached the pinnacle of their career and their blog is THE BLOG to read and they’re teaching a class and it’s so inspiring to me… but then I find myself saying I want that, I want what you have and completely forgetting what is in front of me.
Isn’t that what is at your fingertips though? An easy way to compare to see what you measure up to? To set goals and hope that one day you’re like this person or this business, but rather you end up being like nothing. I’ve quit so many things because it doesn’t turn out like the other person’s result or success. Even with this blog, though my heart writes for itself and because if I never start it I’ll wish I did…but in the back of my mind I hope you’re reading I hope someone likes it or follows me (don’t act like you don’t feel that way either fellow blogger). Instead of just doing this because I love to write.
I want to dream big and not compare, but it’s hard. Jealousy is ugly and makes you less of who you were meant to be. I understand why God didn’t desire for us to covet, because you always end up never having ENOUGH. The perfectionist in me is my greatest catalyst and my greatest crutch. I have big dreams…grand ones even.