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Graciously Woven

Creatively Living and Sharing Grace

children, family, motherhood

How to be Intentional in Your Parenting Style and not a Manager

October 17, 2018 Comments : 4

I love my kids. Even when I’ve repeated the same thing 37 times and no one listens, I actually love them ha! But I never realized how challenging parenting really is. It wasn’t until recently as our oldest grows in his personality, that I found myself in a rut. Just making it through the day… you know what I mean. Literally the bare minimum of keeping your kids from harming themselves until they go to sleep. One evening Mike could see my defeat and asked me are you just managing things babe? Frustrated I got defensive, but yes…yes I was. I wasn’t being intentional in my parenting at all, I was just making it.

Just managing, not succeeding or thriving… maintaining.

I do appreciate great blogs I read that help me feel better about how tough and annoying motherhood can be. However, even on my worst day I don’t want to dismiss the heart of parenting. I can easily get caught up with how my toddler is a terrorist and my six year old is the most dramatic child to grace this earth. Then after reading a post, it puts me in an even crappier and resentful mood! I completely forget why I even like my kids in the first place…

The struggle of management style v. intentional style

The truth is parenting is not just getting your kids to 18. Or even managing behaviors, your own fears, or situations. Nor is it belittling the most vulnerable people in your world simply to joke at their shortcomings. Parenting is intentional. Not perfection, but grace soaked intentional. Showing up and being engaged even when your kids give you every reason to sell them on eBay. That’s whether you stay at home or you work and only have a few hours to savor with your babies.

At times I’ve felt guilty when I send the kids away to “play,” allow them to binge watch every episode of PJ Mask, or a movie marathon so I can just be. And trust me those days exist for my sake and theirs. Yet I had to reevaluate why those days were my default and what I wasn’t doing personally so that I could be present for them.

As we’ve entered into first grade this has been on my mind more than ever. My personal challenge of consistent intentionality in my parenting. The fact that I in many ways easily focus on being tired that even when I’m not, I still excuse engaging my kids. I don’t disregard them, but I do find more laundry to do, dishes to clean, or mess to clean up rather than sit and play…

Truth is by simply just managing their lives and hoping they figure it out isn’t going to work well. I need and want to be there present, ready, and guiding them to who I know they can be.

So fellow mama friend who is exhausted and needs that break, take it. Take your rest so you can come back and be engaged more than ever. Because you’ll be glad you didn’t excuse yourself out of this time. Your kids will be forever grateful that you were present through it all.

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Comments

  1. Karla says

    October 17, 2018 at 5:38 pm

    I loved this!!!! I agree my child is almost 21 and I feel like I worry more than when he was younger. Just like you I say things way more than 37 times but I love them with all my heart. Thank you for this because life happens and sometimes as parents things slip our minds and we feel like wow what a good parent am I!!!!

    Reply
  2. joleenpete says

    October 18, 2018 at 1:44 am

    Thank you so much for this, friend. Too many days I’m just trying to get through the day but I don’t want that for my son. I want him to remember a mommy who enjoyed spending time with him, not just next to him. Love you and love your heart!

    Reply
  3. Robin Jewett says

    October 18, 2018 at 7:27 pm

    You & Mike are a great example of parenting from what I can see! Teaching them and keeping them
    Engaged in church and God forever present is
    Something I’m wishing we had done. Praying my children and grandchildren follow our Example for we know one day we shall be thankful we did.
    Bless you as you navigate parenting sometimes it’s those Little things that remind us……

    Reply
  4. Tiffany says

    October 22, 2018 at 11:20 am

    Great post. You are an inspiration! Thanks for sharing ♥️ ♥️ By any chance you are interested on doing collaborations, you can check out the collaborations portal of Phlanx.com and connect with amazing brands!

    Xoxo,
    Tiffany

    Reply

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Carmen | Truth & Grace Living
Mila is the mood as I sit and am so grateful for e Mila is the mood as I sit and am so grateful for each of you engaging me in this process. Thank you for being present in the messy parts too as I navigate this season. 

I continue to be so thankful for this community - and I pray I can lend a listening ear and support as much as you are to me ♥️ #beautyincommunity
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Being able to find books that are not only personalized but allow my kids to see themselves in the story is even better!!! 

@lionstory.books gifted us this beautiful book all about Izaiah making a change for animals - which is his THING! 

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Everyone then who hears these words of mine and do Everyone then who hears these words of mine and does them will be like a wise man who built his house on the rock. Matthew 7:24

There’s power in praying our family grows in God’s word and even more as we see ways to apply it daily. I’ve come to realize there’s a spiritual home we’ve been called to build it looks like this family.

In our character, how we reflect Christ, and how we model that for our kids - even invite them to do the same.

I started working on this portrait of us and wanted to symbolize how we’re planted. When times have been their hardest - it’s been God’s word that’s sustained us. #foundationinchrist
As I reflect on today, I’m most thankful that be As I reflect on today, I’m most thankful that because of the work done for social justice and continuously happening now, there are resources to celebrate diversity.

Growing up there were 2 options for hair - having “good hair” or achieving “good” hair through relaxers. Natural hair was reserved for mixed girls who had bouncy curls and length. I constantly wished to be “that” mixed girl, instead of seeing the gorgeousness of who I am.

Developing the confidence to love all of me and the hair that I have took years. Lots of tears and redefining beauty. 

I’m so grateful that our boys don’t have to wish for anything other than who they are. Being able to celebrate beautiful natural hair in all its texture has built confidence in them that’s priceless. 

So today I’m celebrating and thanking @youngkinghaircare for making even more space to diversify natural hair for little kings like mine. To remind them that there is value in exactly who they are ♥️ and WE SEE YOU!! 

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