Can we just take a moment and be honest that parenting is NOT easy! It doesn’t matter if you have one child or multiple (yes, I said it). The active raising, loving, struggling, and ever learning process that is parenting is tough work. However, if we’re being honest many of those challenges come from how we view parenting. Especially the lies we believe about it. So let’s open the conversation friend, and together toss 3 lies if you’re desiring healthy parenting.
How our parenting styles are learned behavior from past experiences
Even in wonderful family situations we all would do something differently. For me I set high expectations of what I wouldn’t do, and found myself spiraling when I became those very things. When I failed at yelling/blowing up I began to believe lies. I just couldn’t be the mom I hoped to be.
“That’s the thing about parenting, we either repeat history unintentionally or reclaim our story intentionally.” – Leila Schott
We all carry mental narratives that excuse our lack of patience, passive and/or aggressive approach to parenting. Whatever it is, we all have found a way to navigate our own perceptions of how we’re doing as parents: good, bad, indifferent. These are 3 lies I’ve personally identified and am working on so I can be a much healthier parent:
#3 Myths to stop believing around parenting
It happened to me, and I turned out fine!
I’ll raise my hand, because I’ve said it… truth is I wasn’t fine. I’ve heard this most commonly when it comes to spanking or physical discipline. Too often as we cope with our own traumas in life, the ability to be vulnerable and heal isn’t welcomed. Be honest with yourself, are you really fine with some of the parenting choices that were made when you were a child? Saying yes or no doesn’t have to shame your parents, but it does require for you to address what you can do differently. Plus, I want my kids to be far better than I ever was. That doesn’t mean an easy life, but that does mean a fuller and healthier self. In order for my kids to have that, I can’t repeat old habits simply because they seemed “okay” for me.
You owe it to yourself to identify and toss these myths
I won’t be or I’m just like my parents
Simply trying to not be like someone else usually causes us to become like that person in some way shape or form. When a pendulum swings too hard it comes back with equal if not stronger force. My biological father always broke promises. I am emphatic about not doing that to my kids, so I’m hyper-sensitive to that. Setting such a standard to be/or not to be like your parents doesn’t allow for you to navigate and truly develop a well rounded parenting style. It removes grace and
Because I didn’t have ____, I’ll never be able to
Just because your parents got divorced, a parent was absent, or whatever it is – does not mean YOU will repeat those same behaviors/scenarios. Our past and upbringing most certainly has an impact on our lives, but how we choose to live beyond that is our responsibility.
Books to read for healthy parenting
- Positive Parenting: An Essential Guide
- Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids: How to Stop Yelling and Start Connecting
- Positive Discipline: The First Three Years
- If I Have to Tell You One More Time
- No-Drama Discipline: The Whole-Brain Way to Calm the Chaos and Nurture Your Child’s Developing Mind
- Positive Parenting in Action: The How-To Guide For Putting Positive Parenting Principles Into Action in Early Childhood
Just as I tell my kids to keep trying, I know the same applies to me. There’s grace to grow in parenting, to learn, and it’s imperative to make strides in that. Most importantly, healthy parenting is intentional. In growing I’ve found that much of that development happens mentally. Most of us don’t realize the lies we function from and how they impact our lens of parenting.
I’m constantly seeking how to renew poor thinking patterns and I do not do this alone. I’ve found wise mentors in older women, for me it’s reading my Bible, and understanding what it means to be healthy emotionally and mentally. So whatever your 3 lies are that you need to toss for healthy parenting, start today.