If this is finally posted it’s because we’ve shared that we’re expecting once again. But this post is being written two days after I found out. My feelings are raw, less excited, and in a different space that I want to honor.
I’m not ready for another baby. In fact I’m mad at myself, because I miscalculated my cycle by a day. I feel irresponsible because four kids is a lot…more than a lot. Especially if it’s going to be four boys.
Yes babies are a blessing, but I was finally at peace that our last would be our last. They won’t even be three years apart like the other boys. Right now I can’t imagine two under three. That’s still twice as many diapers, wipes, crazy meltdowns and juggling babies…because Izzy is still our baby. I didn’t want to rush that stage for him.
I know at some point I will smile, but I wanted to be honest…because not every positive pregnancy test brings a positive attitude. With so much potential transition for us this year, a baby feels out of place.
May I keep in mind that my timing isn’t God’s timing, and His timing always ends up being better than I hope for.