“Table for one please.”
The hostess seated me right next to a couple, which I secretly was hoping to be completely alone. We shared some small talk, because I’m not rude haha – and then I mentally sunk into myself. I can’t remember the last time I intentionally sat alone at a restaurant and enjoyed my thoughts.
As I was eating my fav meal (bless you True Kitchen), my eyes began swelling with tears…yes I started crying. I could blame it on my pregnant hormones, but it was deeper than that.
Thankfully the couple beside me had left by this time. Truth is, in the last several years this moment has been a fleeting thought I brush aside. Telling myself I don’t have time, I’m too tired, I need to (fill in the blank). I don’t do this, but I should be. I’ve needed this time and the 76% of me that’s significantly introverted resurfaced like a fresh tidal wave over my spirit last night.
Sure I’ve enjoyed taking pride in people asking how I’ve juggled 2-3 jobs simultaneously , 3 kids, ministry, along with attempting to do things that bring me joy. But it’s come with many costs. I haven’t finished a creative project in those last few years nor very gracious to myself or my family in trying to maintain our schedules.
Because the little person inside me that thrives on doing, overachieving, rarely quitting, has been fueled and running full force. The woman that tells you Don’t you dare say no, there’s no one that can do what you do! So you keep going.
Well, with new demands that look like hugs, unschooling, and full on family management I’m reshaping my overachiever’s heart. All of these things are requiring me to be present, engaged, and I realize how unhealthy things were.
Self care looks different for everyone, but it should be present in someway shape or form. My own definition classifies self care as: anything you do specifically for yourself that doesn’t drain you when it’s complete.
I don’t desire to give myself time to long massages or facials – but what makes me feel full is journaling, planning, writing, and creating among many others. Not making time for any of that has left a major part of me depleted and on E.
So after I ate, I went to JoAnn fabrics to pick up something simple that wouldn’t crowd our already small living space (wait til I share that with you!). I started reading that blog course I purchased and found a scarf pattern that’s worth the challenge.
If you’re feeling in a funk, not fully yourself, maybe you’re due for some self care too. The two older boys are playing with my “special legos” while Izzy sleeps and I’m making my way through my scarf. It’s not complete alone time, but it’s perfect in this moment.
Take care of yourself friend, you have to.