As a new mom I didn’t see much value in play dates or spending time with other moms. Mainly, because I was exhausted and I felt the weight of parenting should be managed on my own. The superwoman complex has always been a challenge for me – but overtime I’ve learned to relax. Motherhood has so many dynamics, but loneliness doesn’t have to be one of them.
I always want to do and be it all, but that expectation is not realistic. The heart of perfection easily stifles progress, and social media makes it too easy to appear like the perfect mom. Frankly, the two don’t mix at all in motherhood. For many years I missed out on the full blessing of a village. That not only would a village help me shoulder parenting, but they would also help me. A space of safety for rest and authenticity.
The Village is Two Fold
It takes a village to raise a child. That is probably one of the most common phrases I’ve heard throughout my journey in parenthood. The need to surround yourself with people who will help and love your kids, hopefully like you do. Parenting is complex and easily lonely, so sharing it with others lightens the load. Yet, what people don’t say is a village wasn’t just meant for our kids, but also for you. In fact, my village has been so instrumental in how I’ve developed in motherhood and as a woman.
My mom had a way of intentionally surrounding my sister and I around women she not only trusted personally, but trusted us to be around. A few of those women became mentors to me as I began having my own kids and one in particular is a very trusted confidant. I’m thankful my mom saw beyond herself when choosing her village, because I’ve benefitted from it.
Finding your village
This is tough, but still very possible. Finding your village I believe is a journey which doesn’t end. The seasons of motherhood and womanhood are ever changing and your village will reflect this as well. That’s not a bad thing, I was incredibly encouraged by this post as a reminder relationships have seasons.
Many times we’ve already started to connect pieces of a village, but don’t realize it. Taking time to see what social groups you’re already engaged in can help. Are you apart of a faith community, gym, homeschool group? Sometimes even neighbors become trusted friends in your village.
In a time where connecting with other moms can feel almost impossible and it’s less stressful to follow a blog or connect through social media. There is still something special about tangible relationships. I know that having a tribe is critical for me. I can honestly say that for any woman, especially in the throws of motherhood – you need a village.
To my own village…thank you
I read this quote on Pinterest the other day and it completely articulated how I feel towards my own village:
I’m indebted to the precious and rare gems of women that have listened to me without judgment, helped me without entitlement, understood without pretension, and loved me without conditions.
Being able to connect and talk with other moms has been life giving for me. Not just simply to vent when I’ve lost my crap over repeating myself or failed on a promise I should’ve kept. Having friends who I can genuinely be myself around. Ones that I don’t have to clean up my house before they come, let my kids tantrum in front of, and even laugh through the challenges that motherhood brings. My village a large group of women, but it is a trusted few that have shown me I don’t need to be superwoman.