Ever have a “go to” person for advice? A phenomenal sounding board that just understands, is wise, brutally honest when necessary? If you do you’re beyond blessed (and I’m sure you know it). That person for me has always been my mom. I respect her on so many levels it’s beyond words sometimes. She truly is a tangible example of grace and truth in my life that I can only hope to be for my own kids.
It’s been challenging in this season of my life where I’ve felt that nudge from God to stand on my own two spiritual feet and exercise the wisdom growing inside me. It’s downright nerve wrecking when I look over the edge into what seems like a raging ocean of life’s situations and I can’t imagine walking out into the storm. What if I fall? What if this overtakes me? Do I even know what to say or do? The mental flood of questions and self analysis can be just as bad if not worse than the situation sometimes. In the moments I’ve wanted to breakdown, give up, or run and hide I’ve been pushed just a little more to step into wisdom’s haven.
That’s looked a lot more like not seeking so much advice from everywhere else, but rather becoming still and quiet to hear what I need to do. And that’s not easy for me, who is prone to second-guessing and doubting myself. It’s taken so much more time spent in prayer and feeding my spirit rather than my emotions. Becoming comfortable with my voice and discernment, seeing that I’m much stronger and healthier than I realize in Christ. But it’s felt so great to see the strength in walking in wisdom…because when my heart and emotions are confused wisdom isn’t.
Recently I felt like my heart was torn in a ministry situation. I wanted all the advice in the world to soothe what I felt had broken a piece of my spirit. Then I wanted to lash out and even manipulate things out of fear that the “truth” would not prevail. But I kept hearing in my spirit to be still and silent…to apologize and step back. Not at all the words or actions I deemed necessary! Though my emotions clouded my judgment, because of the strength of wisdom I didn’t have to walk through the situation as I could have. Even in the moments where it felt like things were getting worse…I’ve stayed as still as possible.