I’m convinced that this is a pivotal moment in my parenting. Not the simply my child is/can be intense, challenging, downright off the chain type of pivotal…but rather an actual time where I’m having to evaluate myself as a parent and if my style of motherhood is actually effective in my child’s life.
It’s no surprise (whether I admit it or not) that I have strong children. The mixture of Mike and I’s personality into another tiny body is a recipe for strong-willed, fierce lover, and yes fighter. I don’t shy away from admitting that, as I know one day these qualities will be exactly what sets my kids apart in a great and world changing way…but for today – I’d love to tone things down a quite bit.
More days than not I’m balancing on a tightrope of wondering if I’m too harsh when I scream to “put away the toys” for the ninth time or too soft when I overhear “get away from me,” and I bury my head in my hands. Am I doing more harm than good as I’m trying to remind myself to embrace this season of five. I should be able to handle what this season throws at me, but I don’t feel like I do it with much grace.
To know that you’re still a baby even though you’re the “oldest” now, and you still need me if not more than your brothers…that laying in the bed at night is just as special to you as it was a year ago. And not forcing the expectations of “big brother” in your lap when you don’t fully know what that truly means.
I’ve cried a lot parenting you at five my sweet boy. But mainly I’ve cried wishing I knew exactly how to do all of this better. You are the epitome of grace to me. You withhold so little as I learn how to give you my best. You’re quick to forgive when I know I wouldn’t.
Five is causing me to shed yet another layer that keeps me from being better. A refining fire and defining season that reveals areas of needed growth…may I release what I cling onto like my need for control and embrace what parenting you has to offer.