With coffee in hand I’ve thought of a million ways to begin this post. Do I reintroduce myself? Do I apologize for not writing the past several months? Should we just pick things up where they left off? Then I have to stop and remember why I started this blog…as much as accolades are wonderful and I would love to be nominated and recognized (seriously who doesn’t?) – I have always enjoyed writing. I’m socially awkward and communicate much better through words and jokes until I feel more at ease…but I digress.
It’s good to sit and think this through. Maybe a few crafts will reappear or some lovely advice on how to make a box cake taste like its from a bakery! As for this one, I just want to stop and acknowledge its been some time. I’ve missed writing and sharing – most of all I’ve missed this sitting in my skin and shedding down to vulnerability…regardless of who reads it’s my words and my heart on display unapologetically.
So life lately…I quit my job after thanksgiving last year and shortly Mike and I decided I would begin helping him in youth ministry on a part time basis. Ideally I thought I would be sitting and having play dates and soaking up all of the precious moments of silence that being home brings (and all of the stay-at-home moms laugh hysterically) I knew that this was the best move for us. As much as my heart is for my family, my heart has always been for ministry. I love youth ministry though it certainly leaves some scars and bruises – I have never seen myself without ministry somewhere mixed into things.
It hasn’t been something I’ve shared openly as I know not everyone I consider dear to me would have agreed with my decision – because how could I really be home if I’m now having my time consumed by church? As crazy and emotionally draining (even physically) I have never been so happy to see my boys everyday and make decisions with Mike on how we see ourselves doing not just life but ministry.
Though I feel completely out of control of my life, I feel at peace…some days are really hard and I want to throat punch everyone and eat ice cream, then cry, then be held until I fall asleep. I am grateful I took the leap. Everyday isn’t a hustle day or a day where I feel like I’m amazing – but everyday feels more like a day I can choose what I want more or less of. And that’s good enough for me in this moment…